So, when I started this process with Weight Watchers, I promised to be honest about every aspect of my weight loss. I promised with my last video to get right to the heart of the matter and divulge how I gained all the weight in the first place.
Well, here it is.
Now, let’s be honest here: this video was a tough one. Who wants to go into the ins and outs of what caused us to turn our backs on ourselves? I admit it: this video was tough to do. But if it helps one person who watches it or reads this post, I’ll consider it to be worthwhile.
So, in short, my extraordinary weight gain years ago was led to an extremely hard point in my life. I lost pretty much everything and everyone I thought were important to me at the time and, well, I just stopped caring. I locked myself away in my apartment to grapple with the discomfort and the pain, surrounded by comfort food.
People joke all the time about “eating your feelings,” but I freely admit that I did just that. I shoved enough food in my mouth to quell the pain, to keep myself from saying what I really felt. I insulated myself in a layer of body fat to become invisible. I, quite simply, disappeared.
When I made the decision to create this new life for myself and move back to NYC to become a writer/editor in 2007, I earnestly started a campaign to take the weight off. I was able to drop a good 60 lbs on my own for about two years and then last year hit. I’m not going to lie, people – 2010 was a rough year. Similar tough circumstances arrived and I fell right back into bad habits. The weight loss stopped and I added a couple of pounds for good measure.
The reason I decided to do Weight Watchers Points Plus is because I’ve realized that I need help to finish this journey, that all those years eating like a teenager whose parents are out of town for years altered my ability to make proper judgments, especially when I’m stressed or upset. The tracking device makes me completely accountable for what I put in my mouth and hey, if I’ve got a question about serving size, they’ll clear that right up. The program builds in some cushion points for days that don’t exactly “add up” (I am human and last time I checked fried chicken still exists.) Some days are better than others but since beginning this journey and putting myself back on my own priority list, even the worst days are healthier, happier and filled with more of a sense of control, something I’ve not felt for a long time.
Are there days where I don’t feel like I have the time to keep tracking every single thing? Absolutely. I basically have four jobs. But when I start checking those little boxes, I remind myself that I need to stay focused, that I am worthy. I now have the tools to handle circumstances with my head held high in a body that can handle whatever comes at me. I will never again let anyone else determine how I feel about myself. I am in control.
Will I be in a size 8 by Fashion Week? No. But I’ve achieved something even greater with this program: I’ve understood how I got here and have made the road map to a life where I use exercise and other activities to deal with the demands of life, not an extra helping of mac and cheese or a bottle of red wine.
The cravings still come every once in a while but I’m armed now with a hunger for something even greater, something more powerful and seductive than any food: success.
This is my time now. I will win….and so will you. Believe it.
FTC Disclosure Notice: As part of their blogger program, Weight Watchers has provided me with free access to the online version of their program, and other tools, for me to review the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus program. I am not a Weight Watchers employee and have not been compensated for this post.