So, I’m going to admit to something I don’t think most people like to say: I cried in yoga class last week.
Part of the issue was sheer frustration with my workout schedule. As someone who used to have way more control over her schedule, I was entirely too spoiled. Granted, I still HAD a schedule, which didn’t mean that I spent my days watching daytime television and throwing up the random blog post in between workouts. What it did mean was that I could schedule my day around my workouts at random times during the day. I used to make Bergen’s Core Fusion Cardio class at exhale Central Park South with religious fervor every Tuesday at 8:30 AM. Lauren’s yoga class at 12:30 on Fridays was a rock around which my weekends were structured. I was master of my schedule, and I was much further along in my weight loss goals as a result.
But last week, after struggling to get to class a couple of times and having to cancel and reschedule everything because of work (like everyone else on earth, I realize this) I sort of…well, I just cracked. Because my ego decided to join me on the mat and shove at me, telling me that I used to be able to hold this pose and do this move and look how soft I am now. I admit it: I started to cry.
And then I shoved my ego off my mat and slowed down. Because realizations like that come up when you’re hanging upside down with nowhere to go but inside your mind. It wasn’t the workout schedule that was making me nuts. It’s me looking for ways to be really hard on myself, to take myself out of the game. My new schedule is what it is. The client is insanely demanding. Which means that when the going gets tough, the successful adapt. If it means that I get up at 6 am to make a 7 am class, that’s what has to get done. Goodbye, nighttime tv. Hello, DVR and hitting the sack at 10 pm.
Ego, there’s not enough room on the yoga mat for both of us. It’s a private party and the only one invited is me.
And I’ve realized that I’m actually not starting over. I’m starting right where I am, and that’s more than okay with me. Inner critic silenced and with a new resolve, it looks like my sun salutations will actually meet the sunrise now in order to meet my goals and take care of myself.
Looking forward to it. Namaste, baby. Let’s do this.