In yesterday’s post, I announced this big, honkin’ list of things I want to experience this year. One of those items was to take more focus with my appearance. I thought I would elaborate a bit more on that because a few people reached out and said there was no way per what I do for a living that I could get sloppy.
Oh, but I assure you that not only it is possible, it most certainly did happen. And it was not at all pretty.
Let’s turn the clock back to about, say, June of last year. About that time, I started having relationship problems with the man I’m seeing. I found out I was going to have to move apartments in August, which led to a GIANT upheaval. Most of my clothes were in boxes while I continued to work and try to navigate Fashion Week. When all of that came down, my old friend ice cream called my old friend fried chicken and said, “You know, I think she’s lonely. Let’s go hang out.” And they did. We became reacquainted, and while stress went down momentarily, the reality was that a lot of clothes didn’t fit, and I was too time-consumed with other things to find the ones that did.
The hilarious part of all of this (because there’s always a hilarious part if you start to think about it) was that I actually had more clothes that I needed at the time. Someone send me an e-book copy of the Marie Kondo book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (Penguin Press, 2014,) and like most of New York, suddenly I was resolute to throw away everything that didn’t serve me. I unleashed fourteen bags of clothing items on Housing Works here in New York City, and was left with a wardrobe of items that did, in fact, make me happy, although I was still dressing in the same items for a bit. But what that crazy cleaning frenzy sparked was a small fire within me that begged the question: I wondered what else in my life needed purging.
One look in the mirror sparked my answer: I needed to deal with the emotional gravity of caring more about others than I did for myself.
Looking back on it, up to about two or three years ago, I LOVED dressing up. All the time. I would put on lipstick to go to the corner store for milk, I couldn’t get enough sparkles, and I devoured fashion news. I have always been someone who’s been into fashion. The site is called “Fashion.Style.Beauty,” for goodness sake. That’s not by accident. But if you look at the pages, there hasn’t been a lot of fashion on the site lately. That’s because I kept wearing the same six items over and over again (with the exception of workout gear) because I stopped delighting in getting dressed. I was too depleted from giving all my energy to other people.
I guess this took me by surprise because every woman I know who has experienced this is a mother. What I’ve learned is that as a woman, I’m generous and nurturing by nature, and sometimes I forget to fill myself up before filling the cups of others. But now that I’m aware of this issue, it stops. Right now.
Every single day for the past week, I’ve gotten up and made an effort with my appearance. I’ve put on a little mascara and concealer before I leave the house, I’ve learned some new tricks to put my hair together regularly, and I’ve made small investments in the missing pieces of my wardrobe. I’m on a fast-fashion diet in order to afford some lovely items that cost a bit more (like some of the things seen here) because I’m worth it. Nine pairs of shoes at a lower price could be one really special pair of shoes I’ll wear all the time. I don’t need more. I want better.
From now on, I come first. I get to get dressed and serve myself before anyone else. I’m slowly but surely replacing those food friends with some good soul-nurturing actions, like dressing well and saying “No.” After years of giving everything to everyone but myself, it’s my time now, and I’m all dolled up with places to go.
The life I want is right around the corner. I’m now dressed for the occasion.
What I’m Wearing: Vintage black cashmere turtleneck (similar style here)/Suno skirt (this one is pre-Fall 2015, but there are some GORGEOUS ones on The Outnet/Miu Miu Matelasse Leather Clutch (similar style)