I am a fighter. I think most of us would consider ourselves fighters or we wouldn’t be here. The very act of walking through life implies some amount of struggle. We wish it could be all hedonism and happy times, but when it comes to paying the bills and carving your place in the world, that implies that there are battles to be won.
This month has been filled with those moments of facing the dragon. It’s been a month worth of tough conversations that required me to stand up for myself. My previous mindset before this month is that everything that’s uncomfortable had to be some kind of a struggle, a fight. Someone had to win and someone had to lose, to the victor goes the spoils, and all that kind of tough talk. I’m a competitive person, I like kicking a little ass now and then.
Except for this month. This time, I took some advice from a friend on how to handle the tougher conversations.
A couple of months ago, a friend of mine recalled a disagreement he had with someone years ago, where the person accused him of a monetary matter. My friend couldn’t remember having caused the issue, but he thought long and hard about it and realized a very important thing: he could fight about the disagreement for goodness only knows how long, or he could just agree to disagree, apologize for whatever part he had in the misunderstanding, and figure out how to come to an understand so everyone could move on.
He came to an important decision: did he want to be right…or did he want to be free?
He chose to be free, and the two parted ways amicably. Somehow, this friend of mine has been pretty free from strife for a very long time. It doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t screw up. But instead of lamenting or struggling, he looks for the best way to simply end things peacefully when he can, tries to come to common ground where possible, and focuses on the end goal, which is to be free from fighting all the time.
I took his advice this month, and I’m a better person for it. For me, at least, the battle not to consider any affront a fight is a hard one, but I’m learning that there can be change without conflict, that you can end relationships that aren’t working for you without screaming, that you can break bad habits without the signature rending of garments and crying in the town square (which, for me, is bitching on social media.) When I say “Life is short, live well” as the slogan of all things about this site, one of the most powerful lessons of my life in that pursuit has been learned this month: there is magic in letting go peacefully.
And so, tonight, I’ll celebrate all the things that have previously been bad for me that I’ve had to release this month. I’m not mad at anyone or anything, but I don’t want anything back that I’ve let go. I’ve sheathed my weapons, and my heart and mind are peaceful because of it.
I’m a peace tonight. I wish you the same.